Telling People “Too Soon” That You’re Pregnant

I’m sure many of you have seen the video of the couple who discovered they were pregnant when the husband brought home a pregnancy test and removed his wife’s “sample” from the toilet, knowing that she didn’t flush in the middle of the night for fear of waking their kids.

The day after they announced the news via YouTube, they suffered a miscarriage.  There were many supportive and kind comments posted to them, but also a lot of opinions that they had told people too soon.  One woman even said she had suffered a “miscarriage” at 5 months and she learned not to tell people so early.  5 months?  I don’t think that’s considered a miscarriage at that point.

Pregnancy loss can happen at any stage.  Years ago between my third and fourth child, I became pregnant and decided I would do the sensible thing that everyone recommends and wait until my second trimester.  I didn’t test positive until I was 18 days late.  Three days later, my nausea suddenly disappeared along with my sensitivity to all odors.  I knew something was wrong.  I took a test and the line was much lighter than the last time.  I made a doctor appointment and the test was at first negative.  I said, “No, that doesn’t make sense.”  The nurse went and looked again and it was then positive.

My doctor sent me for a blood test and by the time she called me with the results, I had started spotting.  I told her I already knew the bad news.  I was having a miscarriage. She said, “Wow, you must really be in tune with your body!”  Well it’s hard not to notice when you suddenly feel normal again.

I didn’t feel a sense of relief that I hadn’t told anyone.  I felt alone.  I told my mom and a couple friends, but that was about it.  The next week I was at a crafting event called “Super Saturday” (No, I’m not a crafty person) when someone asked me out of the blue, “Do you know who all’s pregnant right now?”  I felt stunned and found myself blurting out, “I was last week and now I’m not.”

I had gone there to try to cheer myself up by being around friends, but there’s no escaping those situations and feelings when you lose a baby.  I was devastated.

When I was pregnant with my first, it was after trying for 2 years.  I was so excited that I could even get pregnant, I told everyone.  One man said, “Should you be telling people already?”  I told him I knew there was a risk in having to tell people I had a miscarriage, but I was so happy, I just had to share that happiness with everyone.

My point:  Let people share their pregnancy news when they want to.  It’s their decision. My friends who have lost babies say one of the hardest things is that no one talks about their child. For people not to know my baby ever existed at all was heartbreaking to me.  I didn’t feel protected by following the second trimester “rule”.

“Megyn Kelly Was Mean To Me And I’m Rich!”

Out of respect for my Facebook friends’ sanity, I will try to keep my political comments here.  They will have enough in their newsfeed already until the election.

I just want to state my feelings on Donald Trump and the question posed by Megyn Kelly at the debate.  A lot of people felt like it was a low blow – that she was going after him rather than being a moderator.

I felt like it was a fair question.  What do we do – let him get the nomination and then wait for Hillary to do the attacking?  Then we’re left with either Hillary or Donald Trump!  Oh please, no.  NO!!!!

Donald keeps saying he doesn’t have time to be “politically correct”.  There is a difference between ditching political correctness and just being outright rude.  The way he treats people is relevant.  I think one of the most important things a president can do is lessen our chances of being blown up.  Let’s suppose he has a meeting with Putin and without thinking (like he usually does), he implies Putin is on his period.  I don’t think that would be very diplomatic.  There is a very small part of me that admires his directness, but I think he can dish it out, but he can’t take it.  I do feel like he has said very misogynistic things and it’s not just to Rosie O’Donnell.  If Rosie O’Donnell were Putin …… Well I would be digging a fallout shelter like Christopher Walken in “Blast from the Past”.  (“Leave my elevator alone!”)  I don’t get the sense that he respects women.  Is this a bad time to talk about my view of pageants?

And he’s going to whine that Megyn was being mean to him?  For bringing up stuff he really did say?  Own your words, Donald!  It must have hurt extra bad that a woman did that to you!  When you run for president, people dig up everything on you.  Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you’re the most qualified. Add to that your multiple bankruptcies despite being rich and you’re definitely not qualified.  America is already close enough to being bankrupt.  Thanks!

Donald is just way too egotistical and impulsive for my taste.  I don’t get the sense that he wants to be president because he loves America.  I wonder, “What’s in it for him?”  His threats to go 3rd party unless Republicans treat him better also rubs me the wrong way.  “I’m rich!  I demand special treatment!”  That’s how it comes across. There are many rich people whom I respect.  I don’t appreciate the type that gives a tour of their home just to show off how rich they are.  “Here’s my sink made out of gold and my table made out of gold and my children made out of gold along with my toothbrush that’s made of gold.  I’m so, so rich!”

I’ll avoid commenting on his hair.

Just kidding!  His Secret Service would have to jump in front of hair clippers instead of bullets.

I think I’m done.  For now.

“Start at Beelzebub!”

Do you ever take a step back and realize something you said would sound really wrong to an outsider?

A while back I went sheet music shopping with some of my students to try to find them something they would be passionate about.  Something that would really make them stretch themselves.  The 15-year-old boy I teach ended up choosing “Bohemian Rhapsody”.  That thing is a mammoth!  Accidentals galore!  Some crazy fingering and rhythms.  But it’s fun!

We have been working on it section by section.  It’s sometimes painful because it requires so much thinking.  Then the other day I just cracked up because I told him, “Start at Beelzebub!”  I’m pretty sure this is the only song that will ever cause me to utter this phrase.  I’m 100% sure my piano teacher never said it to me.

OK, now imagine this on the piano.

“Products of Conception”

I’ve read a lot of blogs, articles, and comments on my Facebook newsfeed lately about the “Center for Medical Progress” that secretly recorded conversations with various people from Planned Parenthood.  I’m not trying to change any minds here because I don’t think that’s possible, but I just want to speak my mind.

These are some of the defenses of these videos:

“FACT CHECK: Those videos have been heavily edited!  They don’t sell body parts!  They’re being reimbursed for their expenses!”  Everyone thinks they’re the first to point out to their pro-life friends that the videos have been edited in an unflattering way.  I’m still trying to figure out how the full videos make it sound any better.

“Only 3% of Planned Parenthood’s services are abortions!  They do so much for women!”

“Planned Parenthood offers birth control and STD testing!”

The whole point is being missed.  No matter how those videos are edited, this is some of the most calloused behavior I have ever seen.  Joking that all the baby organs are going to buy her a Lamborghini.  Giggling that if they had asked for samples 10 minutes ago, they could have had some, but now all the samples from that day are mixed up together in a bag.  To avoid being too inflammatory, I won’t mention what this reminds me of.

A human being has been torn apart and stuffed into a bag.  And that’s funny?  How many were there that day?  Who were these children going to grow up to be?  We’ll never know.

Whenever I hear abortionists discuss the procedure, I feel like the language used is all about self-deception.  If you use the right words, you can convince yourself it’s not a living human being even though you’re picking through a pie dish that contains a human heart, human brain, human eyes, human skull, human liver, human kidneys, human legs, human arms, etc.  I’ve heard terms like “terminating the pregnancy” vs. killing the fetus.  It just sounds nicer.  Killing a fetus isn’t nice though, so let’s stop pretending.  If an abortion is absolutely necessary, as in cases where a mother’s life needs to be saved, it’s still absolutely heart breaking.

In the most recent video (#5?), the featured PP employee referred to the parts (that are supposedly not for sale) as “the products of conception”.  In discussing the “donation” of an intact cadaver, they didn’t have a listing price for that, so they could just list each baby part instead.  “Line items”.  She referred to a human’s various parts as line items!

Planned Parenthood can get more money for an intact (human) cadaver and this woman struggles to find the words as she admits that it depends on the pain tolerance level of the mother whether they can remove the fetus in one piece.  She confirms it is done under conscious sedation, but they can only give so much sedative until that has maxed out.  Are they really considering her well being?  How much pain will she suffer afterwards?  Will her fertility be affected in the future?  If a woman needs more sedative, that is a clear indication to stop whatever is being done to her.  You don’t change the abortion method because someone wants some good quality samples!

They are putting women through more pain/risk to get better samples for more revenue.  I don’t think that can be denied.  This doesn’t sound like an organization that puts women first.

I hate abortion with a passion, but if it is here to stay, shouldn’t the #1 priority be doing what is safest and least painful for the mother while also treating the fetus (baby!) as humanely as possible?  Dogs are put down with more consideration.

Considering the level of dishonesty here and unethical behavior, can we really trust that abortions only make up 3% of their services?  Can we trust that none of the funding is going towards abortions as they claim?  Does all of their “good” justify continued public funding of their organization?  Obamacare is now supposed to supply birth control, STD testing, etc.  I’m reading that PP is the only place some women can get health services.  OK, in those same areas, where do men get their prostates checked?  There aren’t any doctor offices?  Where does everyone go for a sinus infection?  I’m pretty sure those same places can check for STD’s, do pap smears, breast exams, and more.

Another common criticism is that Republicans only care about these babies until they’re born, but then they don’t want to pay for the baby’s welfare.

*sigh*

This is to assume that the only choices are either abortion or raising the baby.  Adoption is an option! Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to go through, but killing a growing fetus is not difficult?  As a woman who tried to get pregnant for two years, I remember well what a slap in the face this was every time I heard about someone being upset they were pregnant.  Why couldn’t they be the infertile ones?

After a lot of prayer (begging God incessantly), I finally found out I was expecting my first baby.  In an early ultrasound, I watched his heart beat and was amazed to see him bouncing around as I laughed, which only made me laugh harder.  It was strange to think that my dream come true was another woman’s worst nightmare.  But if she were to keep her baby, she had no idea how much she would love them.

During an ultrasound with my fourth child, I cried tears of joy just watching her kidneys function.  I didn’t know yet that she would be my first girl.  I was just so happy to see she was healthy.  I had no idea that somewhere a baby the same age was having their organs harvested after being aborted.  At this stage, she was clearly reacting to me.  I would nudge her and she would push back.  Whenever I talked, she would stop moving as if she were listening.  I felt like she already knew me.

I saw a comment that Republicans just want to punish people for having sex since apparently they don’t want PP to give people birth control.  This is another cheap shot.  I’m not speaking for all Republicans, but what I want is for people to recognize that sex is a very serious decision rather than recreation they are entitled to.  Creating a life should be taken just as seriously as taking a life.  And in the making of a life that is unwanted, one is then tempted to take that life.

I’m sure if everyone had their wish, procreation would involve two people pushing a button in agreement that they would like to have a baby.  Sex would be purely just for feeling good.  There seems to be some resentment towards reality.

I’ve also read comments that this isn’t much different than being an organ donor.  I believe there is a huge difference.  An organ donor is either already dead or brain dead.  No one rips off their arms and legs and crushes their skull in order to donate their parts.  And they are certainly treated with a lot more dignity like being given a proper burial and a memorial service.  Everyone will have stories to tell about their friend and relative who saved lives with their organs.  A fetus whose parts are donated for whatever purposes?  They never got to have a name.  I guess we’re supposed to feel OK about this because that child would have grown up poor anyway and would have been a drain on society.  Nevermind countless individuals who climbed out of poverty and became some of the best people who have ever lived.

I now have five children.  Five “products of conception”.  Five sets of “line items”.  I’m so grateful for each one of them and can’t imagine my life without them.