Talking to IRS Scammers

I had so much fun yesterday!  The day before when I chewed out the Windows Computer scammer, I said, “Why don’t you have one of your buddies from the IRS call me?”

I don’t know if it was a coincidence, but I got a pre-recorded message from “The Internal Revenue Service” saying something like, “There is a warrant out for your arrest due to unpaid taxes.  Please give us a call.”

My goal is to save someone from falling for this.  Please spread the word.  I first called them and wanted to know which one of us was going to be arrested.  She said since we filed joint returns, both of us would be arrested.  She started to giggle when I told her it would be a nice vacation from the kids.  She figured out quickly that I wasn’t for real and I think it was a nice break for her from getting yelled at.

I called back and asked for the Windows Computer department.  They hung up on me.

I called again and no one said anything.  They just hung up.

The third time was gold!  I was on the phone with the guy for so long, my tablet couldn’t record any longer.  It’s a shame because it was getting more hilarious by the minute.  I especially like their comments that my arrest warrant is in “activation mode”.

After the video cut off, the guy kept trying to convince me that I was going to be arrested.  I thought he would hang up when I said I spent my last $1,000 on marshmallows.  I thought he would hang up when I told him we got a $4,000 tax return, but he thought he could then trick me into paying $1,100 in order to get $3,000 more from the IRS.  I guess this tactic must have worked on someone.  I asked him if I could borrow the money from him personally because I was good for it.  I was going to get $3,000 and then I could pay him back.

He said I was going to be arrested for not receiving the additional refund.  How did I not laugh out loud?!  I told him I needed to think about the situation for an hour and he told me most emphatically that I was going to be arrested.  He said, “Do not drop this call.  If we get disconnected, you are going to be arrested.”

My baby started to wake up and I commenced laying on the guilt majorly.  I said, “You hear my baby?  Are you seriously going to come over and arrest me in front of her?  Who’s going to take care of her?  I hope you have someone lined up to help.  I can’t believe you’re going to take me away from my baby because I don’t have $1,000.  I need a loan.”

Isn’t he so sweet?  He said my baby sounded very cute and after checking with his superior, he was going to have someone from The Federal Loan Department call me.  They would give me what I needed.  I so wanted to keep playing, but I had to go do something responsible.  I said, “Wow, that’s amazing.  Thank you so much!  What’s the most I could get from them?”  He said, “How much do you need?”  I said, “We need to replace our roof and both of our cars.”  He said I should be able to get help with that.  One minute I’m going to jail and the next I’m about to get help with all of my financial woes.

He said, “I’m doing this for your baby.  She sounds so sweet.  We need to hang up now and The Federal Loan Department will call you.”

Sure enough, another call came in.  Another guy from India.

Me:  Hello?

Federal Loan Guy:  Um, hello?  You were just talking to the IRS and I was supposed to call you?

Me:  Huh?

Federal Loan Guy:  Yes, I’m supposed to call you because the IRS said you needed …..

Me:  I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Federal Loan Guy:  This is the number they gave me.

Me:  I guess they gave you the wrong number.

I hung up and then he called again.  This time I answered with a man voice.  Again I told him he must have the wrong number.  Awwwww!!!  All that scam work for nothing!  I talked to the first guy for over 30 minutes.  That’s 30 minutes that he didn’t get to talk to the elderly.

Friends made several suggestions.  One friend suggested I call them back acting really nervous and upset.  I decided some fake sobs would go nicely with their fake claims.  I called them again today.  I’m not an actress, but I play one on YouTube.

I love that the guy handed me over to the woman without saying anything.  I think I may have made both of them feel slightly guilty, but apparently not guilty enough to stop asking me for money.  Once I made it clear that the only thing I was interested in was divorcing my husband for screwing up our taxes, she gave up and wished me a good day.

Now everyone please share this with all of your grandparents, great aunts, uncles, etc.

How to Know You’re Not Really Dealing With the IRS

  1.  The IRS doesn’t call people unless they have contacted you by mail first.
  2.  The IRS doesn’t immediately pick up their phone and say, “IRS.”  In fact, you’re extremely lucky if you are able to track them down by phone.
  3. The IRS doesn’t make you pay money in order to receive money.
  4. The IRS hires some people who aren’t from India. I’m pretty sure they don’t outsource.

If we can share this enough, these people will give up and find some other dishonest way of making money.

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2 comments on “Talking to IRS Scammers

  1. daveloveless says:

    But if you get them to stop, how will we get more of your hilarious dialogues? 😦

    Will you at least consider letting me call you and we can pretend I’m from the IRS?

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