Swords Don’t Stab People. Fictional Characters With Swords Stab People.


This is my friend’s menacing little boy.  He wore this Zelda shirt to school.  All year actually.  Apparently it was causing all sorts of problems because the school police officer suddenly told him earlier this week that it went against school policy and he was to turn his shirt inside out and never wear it again.  It can incite violence, he says.  It has two swords on it, making it double violent.  Link is obviously thirsty for blood.

When this boy isn’t inciting violence, he’s taking care of his sweet younger sisters and playing sinister games like Super Mario Bros. where they violently jump on animals and kick them.  They also head butt hammer wielding ninjas and shoot fire at giant reptiles.  And they do drugs.  Notice the mushrooms?  Mario eats a mushroom and he gets bigger.  You know, like a high.  And flower power!

Don’t let your kids wear any Mario Bros. attire to school because they are encouraging violence and drug use.  Don’t even get me started on the origins of Barbie.

I was shocked when my friend shared this story.  Her son didn’t get detention or anything like that, but give me a break.  Zelda doesn’t encourage violence.  This kid has a loving, stable home and I guarantee you he will never make headlines for violent behavior.

Stupidity, on the other hand, gives me urges to punch people in the face.  Countless boys grew up playing “Cowboys and Indians”, played with those little green Army men, made their finger into a gun, made the letter “L” into a gun, and also made bananas into a gun.  The majority of them didn’t grow up to be homicidal.  Pretend play doesn’t create violent men.  Violent role models do.  Lack of love and attention.  Broken homes.  Drugs.  Bullying.  Caillou.

To the cop who found it worth your time to bother my son’s friend about his harmless shirt, try paying more attention to the kid who doesn’t have any friends at lunch.  Be kind to him.  Give the boy an awesome Zelda shirt!  Maybe you will play a part in preventing actual violence.


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