Why I Don’t Talk To My Friends Like I Do To My Kids


I saw this meme and first felt a deep sense of shame, but then I realized something. My friends don’t do the following to me and if they did, we wouldn’t be friends.

Sit on my couch doing nothing while I’m obviously overwhelmed.

Refuse to help me and then ask for a ride somewhere 5 minutes later.

Kick a hole in the wall.

Pee in the closet.

Spill macaroni and cheese in one of our camping backpacks and leave it there to be discovered two weeks later.

Scribble on my sheet music.

Scream at the top of their lungs because I won’t give them chocolate chips for breakfast.

Refuse to eat the food they asked for.

Tell me dinner is gross.

Tell me my butt is big and real squishy.

Hide my keys.

Take every single card out of my wallet.

Throw their poo.

Throw a tantrum in public. Or at all.

Unwrap all of my feminine hygiene products/stick them to the floor.

Hide my shoes.

Dump cereal everywhere on purpose.

Unravel an entire roll of toilet paper and put it in the sink.

Vomit on the tile floor and not tell me, thus causing me to slide three feet/almost fall to my death.

Talk/yell obsessively about their penis all day, every day.

Leave Legos on the floor.

Put dirty clothes in the dryer. And start it!

Throw last minute projects at me due to poor planning.

Throw food at the painting my mom did for my 30th birthday.

Eat on the couch when I’ve told them not to repeatedly.

Scream bloody murder that their blanket fell off every single night until I put it back on them.

Squeeze an entire bottle of honey on the carpet.

Endanger their lives repeatedly right in front of me.

Throw my husband’s work cell phone into a lake.

Constantly ask for stuff/money.

Throw my bedroom door open while I’m breastfeeding so their (teenage) friend can see the baby.

Blame me for everything bad in their life.

Yell at me for refusing to listen to their excuses for their bad behavior.

Refuse to get dressed.

Lie about brushing their teeth for weeks, going as far as running the water upstairs.

Make me late because their socks feel funny and they’re having a meltdown over it.


Children constantly test the boundaries and push our buttons. Some days it can drive you half insane. Friends save you from going completely insane.

The little girl above could say, “Thank you for loving me even though I got into your new mascara and rubbed the wand all over the bathroom sink. I didn’t love the yelling, but it was somewhat understandable.”

As nice as we are to our friends though, we would die for our yelling, screaming, poo throwing children without a thought.

Tell me about something special your children did!











3 comments on “Why I Don’t Talk To My Friends Like I Do To My Kids

  1. Cracked me up! So so so true.

    • I tried to reply thank you to you earlier and looks like I didn’t do it directly. Really appreciate your comment! 😀 Every single thing on this list has happened to me. Haha!

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